The first story is that a very patient receptionist in a memory care unit was being interrupted and antagonized by a gentleman resident throughout the workday.  He came and stood in front of her and mumbled a phrase for long periods, and would not be dissuaded by her appeals.  With a little detective work, she learned that he had worked as a delivery person for his entire adult life.  She gave him a clipboard filled with paper with numbered lines and a few empty, sealed packages.  Each time he came to the desk, she signed his clipboard, and he went on his way seemingly satisfied that he’d accomplished his task.  The mumbling? The receptionist decided that he had been asking for her signature all along.

The other poignant story that touched me is one about an elderly woman and her doll.  She had five adult children and she had always loved infants, so her daughter kindly purchased a life-like doll for her.  She also purchased inexpensive bundles of wash clothes to double as “diapers for the baby”.  The lady’s caregiver brought her a laundry basket filled with the cloths every morning. The lady neatly folded each one and placed them back in the basket.  This exercise was repeated throughout the day.  The lady was content because her hands were doing productive work.  She and her baby doll were inseparable and the staff commented sweetly about her baby consistently.  It is a minor thing to those of us with our faculties, but it was her LIFE that was enriched by a simple ritual of feeling purposeful.

When a family member with dementia has no alternative except to live in a facility with a memory unit, it is important to ask about and insist upon activities everyday to engage them.  One very concerned daughter asked, “Where is the LIFE in the memory care unit?”  She reported, “I visited a memory care unit today in an affluent facility in my hometown. The setting and physical environment was wonderful, but the schedule posted for the day only included 3 meals and a piano listening time. Nothing else. Another resident’s family member confirmed that there were no other activities ever offered for the unit. No puzzles, no handcrafting, no dancing, no staff socially interacting with small groups.  The assisted living area offered any number of activities each day, but residents of the memory care unit could not attend their activities unless a family member accompanied them.”

So, when you are visiting possible memory units for your loved one (or choosing in-home caregivers), be sure to ask “Where’s the LIFE? What will you do to care for my mom and dad?”

Sherly 843-852-9090

A Caregiver’s Story: Getting Into a Dementia Patient’s Head

Advance planning in preparation for the progression of Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementia cannot be stressed enough. Letting the still cognitive person relate memories as you take dictation or use a small tape recorder is a good way to pass the time, the great reward is the gift this effort will provide for future generations in her family.

Here are some detailed warning signs to look for:

· Spoiled food that doesn’t get thrown away
· Missing important appointments
· Lost documents—tax information
· Unpaid essential bills—electric, water turned off for non-payment
· Unexplained bruising = falling!
· Trouble getting up from a seated position
· Difficulty with walking, balance and mobility
· Uncertainty and confusion when performing once-familiar tasks
· Forgetfulness –forgets to call you; forgets to take medications; forgets to eat.
· Unpleasant body odor; infrequent showering and bathing
· Strong smell of urine in the house —dirty dishes piling up—pet needs not met
· Noticeable decline in grooming habits and personal care —wears soiled clothing
· Dirty house, extreme clutter and dirty laundry piling up
· Stacks of unopened mail or an overflowing mailbox
· Late payment notices, bounced checks and calls from bill collectors
· Poor diet or weight loss—lives on sugary and other empty foods
· Loss of interest in hobbies and activities—becoming a hermit
· Changes in mood or extreme mood swings—angry outbursts, overly weepy
· Forgetting to take medications – or taking more than the prescribed dosage
· Unexplained dents and scratches on a car –must not be ignored!
· Diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s
· Refuses to go to doctor. Breaks appointments after weeks of waiting.

I always go to www.alz.org for tips on any kind of help I need for caring for dementia patients. I encourage you to subscribe to their seasonal newsletters. They are filled with GREAT info.

Here are 4 tips from page 6 of the Spring 2010 issue:
1. Plan more active days. Take a walk in the afternoon instead of letting her nap. Someone who naps throughout the day isn’t going to be able to sleep through the night. Slow the pace towards bedtime. Establish calm in the household if possible. Dim the lights.

2. Monitor diet. Restrict sweets and caffeine to the morning hours. Serve dinner early, and offer only a light snack or meal before bedtime.

3. Seek medical advice. Don’t suffer in silence. Describe your loved one’s behaviors and ask the doctor for help. He or she might be able to prescribe a sleep aide to help her relax for sleeping.

4. Change sleeping arrangements. Try a different bedroom or a favorite sofa or recliner. Partially light the room to reduce agitation that occurs when it is dark or feels unfamiliar.

Remember, that nighttime restlessness usually doesn’t last forever. In the meantime, be sure your home is safe if your mother gets up and wanders at night. Restrict access to certain rooms, use tall safety gates between rooms and consider door monitors on outside doors to alert you to her wandering.

When she is alert and upset, approach her in a calm manner. Find out if there is something she needs or if she thinks she is looking for someone. Gently remind her of the time of day. Avoid arguing or asking for explanations. Offer reassurance that everything is all right and everyone is safe. Distract to another activity or walk with her to another room in the home that she might prefer. Call the Alzheimer’s HelpLIne 800-273-2555 for more assistance. From Sheryl O’Neal, Care For Life, Elder Consultant

Q: My mother goes to bed around 8pm and wakes up in about an hour greatly disturbed and almost frantic. Can you give me some ideas on how to help her sleep better?

A: Have you asked her why? Even though it’s hard to talk to loved ones with dementia, think about what you hear her saying when she calls out. Does she sound afraid? Might she be having nightmares? Is she afraid of the dark, a noise? What does she think will happen to her? One way to find out eliminate things it could be, like try leaving the light on instead of off.try sitting with her till she sleeps/try keeping her up longer during the day ( if it’s at all possible, sometimes you can’t control their sleep) I’d try to console her and ask her what she is afraid of…Talk to her like you would a child that’s afraid, Be gentle…by Rosemary in Duluth, MN

A: I was having the same trouble with my mom. What kinds of meds is she on? Mom has antidepressants, An anti-anxiety med might help during the day, and at night perhaps a prescription from her doctor to help calm her down. She now sleeps from early evening until 8am or later. Occasionally she’ll have a bad night, but for the most part, sleeps well. Her doctor is your best resource. When you describe her wakefulness he will know what to prescribe to help her sleep. She might be hallucinating and seeing things that scare her. This is all a part of dementia. Seek advice from her doctor first and foremost.Hope this helps. From Dee in Orlando.